a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
