i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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