And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
