And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
