hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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