Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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