I could make wine with my vomit
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just puked most of my soul out..
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
