Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He did a backflip because drugs
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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