am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
