and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Do you still have your period?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
