I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
