overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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