he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
This is my gift to your gina
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
