and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
