hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
