I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
