he puts the penis in happiness.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
