she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
