apparently the secret to your success is patron
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
