Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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