I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Im part way to drunk.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
