theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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