let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
