I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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