it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
