dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We need to get me chipped asap
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
