just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We got so high we made milksteak
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
