Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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