what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
