He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
