idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
