The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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