My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
