Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
