why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Will exercising make me less horny?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize