just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize