your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I deserve this hangover.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
