oh god the rape fog is back!
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
