I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
