I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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