Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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