Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
