i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Randomize