I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
