Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
