he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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