I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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