dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
