i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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