I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
