sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
