he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
