I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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