I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
