Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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