my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
cat food counts as protein by the way
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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