I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
