Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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