She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
