He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
