We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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