But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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