That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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