this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
