we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
