I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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