Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
