i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize