Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
