The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
