All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
