I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
