I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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