this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
