Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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