So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
MIDGETS
????
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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