I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
