It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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