Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
