and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
