people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize