Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
