SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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