Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize