hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
