covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
