just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
it glows. i had to have it.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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