Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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