You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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