You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
