i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize