Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
