My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
