Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
